Table of Contents
What is Kindness
Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Being friendly means having a personality that appears like us, neither dominating nor demanding, like a friend. Being generous means one who gives to others what one has in excess, without clinging on hard to his excess wealth. Being considerate means one who can take into account the difficulty, pain, and problems of others, while behaving with others.
Emotion vs Expression
Importantly, kindness is a behavioral and personality trait, that needs to be exercised, and not a core emotion that can be experienced. Therefore, kindness is like an expression of empathy.
The way we may smile when we are happy, but not necessarily always smile when we are happy, or we always are happy when we smile, the exact same way one may show kindness without being empathetic, one can be kind when one is empathetic, or one may choose not to be kind when empathetic.
How likely would you answer that “she is happy?” if you saw the second picture of her in the bottom row?
Why Emotions can not be judged from Expression?
Emotion is a continuous story, that stitches several sequential memories and events, where each event has its own feelings and thoughts. Feelings change all the time, but emotions are long-lasting. Here the girl has a happy emotions when it comes to her childhood friend. However, her feelings may change based on the situation. In the bottom two last columns, she was first sad because he was not around, and then she was angry even when he came because she wanted him to make her smile.
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to decode one’s emotions and calibrate one’s expression based on the emotion as well as the feelings. Empathy is not judging the expression. Because any decoding is an exceedingly high brain activity that needs memory, knowing a person’s life completely, knowing all the stories of the person’s life, and the emotions.
Empathy also needs a high degree of functioning memory, because, at every frame of expression that one wants to decode, the relevant story of the person with all the frames must be loaded in the brain. Empathy also needs an exceedingly high degree of intelligence because that story and the current frame must be rationally analyzed in our brains.
Intelligence further requires a deep understanding of various scientific domains such as philosophy, psychology, social science, history, and literature, so that the brain can process the sensory data(called the subjective reality) through different objective truths.
Do you have good empathy?
Before understanding kindness, first, become more self-aware and see if you really have good empathy, which is good sensory organs, good observation skills, good objective knowledge, good subjective reality sense, good memory, and good analysis ability, followed by good literary skills to transform this entire process into a meaningful thought.
Once you know scientifically what type of empathy you have, you can come back and read the rest of the article.
Kindness is an Expression of Empathy
The father of the boy in the story is empathetic. He knows that his son needs to learn to the bike of his own and fish on his own for him to have a girl and to be able to take responsibility for the girl. So the father would be kind, tough, hard, and soft based on the situation, with a final goal to make his son become a man.
Because kindness is an expression of empathy, empathy is the intelligence of decoding emotions, and emotion is a story of life, and because multiple stories are connected, to decode kindness one needs to have high intelligence, knowledge, memory, analytical skills, and because all of these take decades to develop, an average person sees a scene or frame, and makes a judgement about kindness.
Average people are Perception-driven and not Intelligent and Empathetic
In this frame, a girl is making a perception of kindness. Because, she hasn’t read this article, and no one has told her accurately what is kindness. The other girl is making a perception about the guy on the left because he is beating a rather helpless and nice guy.
Who is nice here you think?
Open this box to know the real story behind the beating
In reality, the perceived nice boy is a womanizer, a casanova, who flirts around with girls. His niceness and kindness is an acting, good acting to deceive average people.
The complete story
The real story
Do you now understand what is the problem with common people, shortcut brains, and perception? All right, now let us see what is Kindness.
Kindness is a Virtue
Kindness is not merely an expression of empathy, but rather a virtue.
Virtue=Wisdom+Power;
Unless you have acquired knowledge, practiced skills, used the knowledge with skills to acquire power, and used the power with wisdom to fight against evil to obtain an experience, and have derived emotion out of the experience, you can not be virtuous and therefore can’t be kind.
Because acquiring virtue is real hard work, most people just fake kindness with good acting, exactly the way one fakes a smile on the day of the marriage reception, seeing the random people whom the couple would never see again in their life.
Why do people judge kindness as a weakness?
The real powerful people are just kind and nice to others. They use their power to fight greater battles against the systems and the devils.
‘Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.’
Margaret Thatcher, ex British Prime minister
Powerful people love to be around people, helping them, and supporting them. They love to be loved and loved.
However, acquiring power is really hard. So, so most want to show that they are powerful, and therefore act tough! Now, the world sees so many “perceived tough” guys that they soon make the first impression about kind-hearted people that they are weak.
It is this perception that leads people to fancy manipulating you. Most average people do not have the mental depth to analyze a frame or scene critically enough.
How shortcut judgment makes people hate you?
So, when they actually see your other side, and when they are you taking on issues, they have a complete cognitive dissonance. It’s like a whole new you are dealing with them. They feel frustrated that they made a wrong perception about you. Frustration results in anger. They become angry with themselves. However, a perspective and perception-driven brain are disconnected from the self, and they end up directing the anger outward, towards you, rather than utilizing the same to reflect on the self and improve.
How to handle this problem of people’s perception change?
When you stand by some values and people challenge them, handle the situation tough. Not only that but also do make sure that others see how you handle the situation. It gives a message that you are not an easy pushover.
People fearing you at times is much better than people loving you because love is often misinterpreted as weakness.
Niccolรฒ Machiavelli, 15th century Florantine Political Writer of “The Prince”
Focus on acquiring virtue rather than collecting average people’s foolish perceptions. People suffer because they choose to remain dumb. Therefore, those who see or think that you are weak, are the suffering shortcut brains, who create a self-perception that they are empathetic, the self-proclaimed empaths.
The wisdom is, never to pay the price of others’ choices. Never be kind to a dumb and try to save them from misery;
Example of Virtue
You will get surprised, shocked, and enthralled by the journey of discovery of true masculinity.
When you have to acquire wisdom about power and grow in life, read Intimacy Laws.
But, when someone asks a suggestion about which book to read, always advise an easy thing.
The shortcut brains who want to feel that they are learning kindness will read:
And those of you with a growth mindset will understand that knowledge doesn’t come without emotions. And that Lyfas gives real knowledge with real emotions, not just “10 points to fake kindness” and will become a member to make Lyfas as part of their growth story
The complaining brains will walk out of this article with resentment because they don’t want to be kind, but seek validations that they are really kind.
Wisdom for readers with growth mindset
Misery comes with dumbness, dumbness doesn’t come with misery;
Emotions are to be felt; feelings can’t become emotions;
Knowledge is a painfully long journey,
validation causes pain, feeling pain is not a journey,
Shortcutists get fucked by life; life doesn’t fuck in shortcuts;
Kindness comes with power, power doesn’t come with kindness;
Powerful people do not let others to take advantage of them,
Those who lets others to crush them are not kind to themselves,
One who is not kind to self, can’t be kind to
So, the next time a powerless person, suffering in misery, a shortcut brain of a self-proclaimed empath tries to preach your kindness:
Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment below for us to derive real emotions๐
