Table of Contents
What is Meant by a Verbal Bully?
Threatening, intimidating, breaching boundaries, physical aggression, and progression over a perceived weaker person to dominate and control the person is a mental disease of low life and is called bullying. Bullying establishes one’s authority by the cheap means of downgrading, devaluing, and emotionally breaking others. Bullying is a means by which those with extremely low self-esteem and those who do not respect themselves try to break the other person. Seeing another weak and vulnerable suffering person in front of them gives them the feeling of being powerful.
Why is being bullied beneficial for you?
Even though bullying is a means by which a bully tries to break you morally, emotionally, and mentally and leave you wounded, it is super beneficial. We interact with the world with the help of stressors. What better stressor than being bullied by someone? When you are bullied, you suffer from pain and humiliation. Your self-confidence goes down. You won’t be left alone and want to avoid any social interaction. You become afraid that you will be bullied repeatedly whenever you attempt to become socially more active.
In such a low situation, your brain’s determination for a fightback increase. Your self-resilience improves. Your brain shouts and screams from the top of its voice, “fight back” and “payback.” You feel you have nothing to lose and want to stand up for yourself and fight back against the bullies. You want to teach the bullies a lesson and banish them from your life. All your negative thoughts are now concentrated, which you can channel to take back control of your life.
So you set out to learn, understand and acquire deep knowledge about psychology, communication, and social dynamics. You improve yourself all along; the bullies are bullying you. They remain loosers, as they are busy bullying, but you improve. Therefore the bullies are doing a free service to you by helping you to stand up, become better and fight for yourself.
Why can’t we leave the bullies? Why do we have to fight them in the first place?
You can’t keep running in your life, can you? You can’t ensure that new bullies will not arrive tomorrow. You can not for sure say that the old bullies will not come hunting you wherever you go or hide. It is your right to live with honor and dignity. The world is not a bed of roses, and no one is coming to help you. It is you who has to live, and it is you who has to fight. Life will continue to throw challenges at you.
These bullies are then becoming your teachers and trainers in life to help you learn to fight the difficult situations in life. The bullies are teaching you to become socially successful. Once you start winning tough social situations, you will use this to win several professional situations.
The Five Types of Verbal Bullies
1. Shouting Bully
A little or no mistake, particularly by waiters/cab drivers or people, and these low lives will shout, intimidate, and threaten them. This often is accompanied by visible animated aggressive body gestures.
Payback aggressive shouting, screaming, and raging bullies.
One of the key points to remember is that the shouting bullies are like pigs; they want you to drag you down to their level. Their other objective is to shout you down to fear and accept their point of view. The way you will pay them back is to look straight into their eyes, silently, without letting any anger or emotion cross your face. They will keep screaming and raging, but you will keep piercing down their eyes without blinking.
The fact that you are not afraid of their extreme aggression makes them feel rejected by themselves, and they stop bullying you with their aggression.
2. Silent Bully
Giving silent treatment is one of the cheapest forms of bullying. Some people(prominent females) put tape on their lips when they dislike the situation and go through a chain of negative thinking in their brains. You keep assuming what is happening and try to talk them out of the silence. You eventually lose your temper and react. After this, they allege you are abusive. On the other hand, you may also become silent, and they will then allege you to give them the silent treatment.
Payback silent treatment
Now you know that one who gives you silent treatment suffers from mood swings and extreme mental exhaustion due to their chain of negative thinking. Know that you are not responsible for anyone’s mood and can not fix anyone’s mood. Remaining energetic and consistent is one’s effort and necessity. The silent bullies try to also put you in guessing and corrupt your mood. Whenever you see a silent treatment, immediately involve yourself in any pleasurable activity, such as listening to great music, or watching a comedy, or reading an interesting book. Instead of lowering your mood, elevate your mood.
When one doesn’t see your mood being disturbed by their silent treatment, they immediately start arguing with you and uplift their own mood. If you pay attention to silence and try to pull them out of the silence, they will keep you engaged in their drama.
3. Joker Bully
They make jokes at others’ expanse. Often quick success by luck or a rich father’s money turns one into such a bully. They will always try to humiliate you before the others with a funny face. Joker bullies pull out a joke at your expanse in two different ways:
a) They discuss you with someone else in front of you by taunting you.
b) They indirectly make you the hero of their jokes.
A joker bully makes a joke out of your expanse because they are unsatisfied and unhappy at their core. They feel that the world is always laughing at them. Your disturbed face is their happiness.
Payback to those who make jokes out of other’s expenses
There are two ways to pay back such bullies.
a) Method 1: Laugh with them and comment, “It is so good to see that your jokes are still as cheap as they used to be,” and keep laughing. The remark that you make to them makes them nervous.
b) Method 2: You become serious, repeat their text, and ask if they mean (opposite to what they have made jokes about). They say, “Our John is completely devoted to his wife, like his wife’s tail.” You say seriously, “so you mean that my wife is money? Is that what you mean?”
One of the key defenses of the joker bully is often, “I did not mean that.” So, when you use “you mean______ is that what you mean” they become extremely nervous. They immediately reply that “no, I did not mean that.” With a tougher face, you immediately ask the next question, “so what do you mean? please explain”. When you seek an explanation from a bully, they are completely crushed and not only on you; they would find it hard to pull out a joke on anyone else.
4. Backbark Bully
The fearful low-lives have no courage to bully in the front. So they will appear sweet and supportive in the front and then badmouth you to others close to you. They bitch about you to the others. Now that is not a problem. How does it matter what someone says behind your back?
It matters because if one allows another person to bark or bitch about you behind your back, then he/she will also convey this to you to see your reaction. Here you are dealing with two bullies, one who has barked about you and the one who has encouraged such barking and wants to enjoy your reaction.
Payback to those who bitch behind your back
When the encouragement bully narrates the barking story of the barking bully, you take even the barking bully into the call without the encourager bully knowing it, and then you put the phone at the speaker, and then you say, “hi, the encourager is saying that you have told XYZ against me in my back? So, are you so afraid of me that you can not talk to me directly?”
The backbarker obviously will deny the charges. Let the backbarkers and backlistener both now quarrel. This method puts bullies off-guard as they never expect anyone they are bitching behind the back to call back to them and confirm. They would restrain from such backbitching in the future.
The key here is to have both the listener and the barker in the call or front-to-front. You can not go to the barker to confirm, as he would completely deny the charges and now bark about the listener.
5. Advisor Bully
Self-proclaimed well-wishers have to advise you with their worldview to feel good about themselves, even when you haven’t asked it. These people always know what you should do to better your life and have a better outcome, though their own life is screwed. Often some people are so irrelevant that they can not find any pride in looking at their own life. By advising others and by getting an appreciation for the advice, they try to become meaningful.
Doers set examples; talkers give examples.
Advise-mongering is a bully. Such bullies will always make you feel bad for any of your choices. They just can not accept the fact that you have the ability and autonomy to take any decisions of yours. Because if you are autonomous, they find themselves meaningless in your life. In reality, they secretly desire your admiration.
A lot of managers in the corporate fall into this category. They are so psychic that they will:-
- Find fault in everything you do.
- Will never agree to your needs like a leave.
- Will change your slide by his/her name.
They may compare you with others and prove that others are better than you. After that, they will throw advice or two to become like others. “You should” or “You could have” is a pattern of such bullies. Such bullies would also question you about your choices.
Example: You said, “I bought my new car, Honda City.” The bully will answer, “Why did you buy Honda City? That is an old model. Mohan has taken a new Thar; you could have taken Thar.”
You must understand now that an advisor bully is simply envious of you. Their advice is simply a mask to hide their envy.
Payback the unsolicited advisors
The way you pay back the envious advisors is to elevate and amplify their envy. So, whatever they say, you take the advice but say that you will implement that for the next additional project. For instance, ‘Wow, thanks for sharing. I was planning to buy a car for my wife, also. Next week I will get Thar for her.”
Alternatively, you can acknowledge their advising capability and can tell them to become a professional advisor, in which way they will earn more than they are earning. This feeling that they are worthless and are earning less, or have less status than they perceive breaks and crushes the bullies to the core.” Example “Wow, your knowledge about cars is so amazing; I recommend that you take a job with carwala.com; I heard that their pay package is much better than your current mundane pay package.
Conclusion
Don’t run away from the bullies or when someone is bullying you. Once someone bullies you and gets the better of you, he/she will continue to repeat it all his/her life. This is because such individuals have no self-love, self-respect, or self-esteem. In reality, they hate themselves and always complain about their life. They also often play victims to mask their own negativity and hatred. Such hateful envious, and jealous individuals curse a healthy society. It is not that they are bullying only you. Anyone they perceive as weaker than them would be bullied by them. By taking the bullies head-on and paying them back with their own coin, you would clean society from such negativity. When everyone starts taking a stand, bullies will have no courage to do what they do.
