WHY SELF-LOVE IS IMPORTANT:-
If you are not loving yourself, then you know something about yourself that I or the others don’t. How can someone love you, when you don’t love yourself? After all you know yourself more than others do.
Without love, there is nothing, no feelings, no existence, no identity, no sense, no “being”, no consciousness, no awareness, nothing. It is just a painful body that you have to walk along till the grave.
So, self-love is core to yourself experiencing the love and the world, and hence others too.
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SELF-LOVE CHECK:-
Self-Love has three tests and four pillars to it. You need to pass all three tests and got to have all four pillars. If you fail in one test or lack one pillar, you don’t have self-love.
SELF-LOVE TESTS:-
1) See yourself as you are:-
You don’t have to compare with others to feel the self, you don’t inflate what you are and you don’t trash what you are. You don’t give an explanation for what you are or justify yourself.
2) Need to pursue your happiness:-
You know what makes you happy(not others, including parents or family), and you are pursuing your happiness. You may be happy writing, reading, problem-solving, whatever, you are pursuing them daily.
3) Pursue favorable outcome:-
You know what you want in life, your destination, and what you want to achieve by the end of life. You know your destination, and you do everything to reach that destination.
4 PILLARS OF SELF-LOVE:-
1) Self-awareness:-
a) Intimacy with self
b) Detailed
c) Compassionate
You know everything about yourself(detailed), the good, bad, ugly, Strengths, weaknesses, others, threats.
You love your own company in an intimate way. You can feel emotions for yourself without any external events, triggers, persons, pointers. (intimacy).
You are compassionate for yourself, not trashing, criticizing, condemning, complaining about yourself.
2) Self-Acceptance
a) Unconditional
b) Embrace core identity
There are no ifs and buts to your love for self. I will love myself more when I earn more money or get a job. No, your love for yourself is irrespective of what you have, want to have, get, need. (Unconditional).
Life is like a Tsunami, always lightning, always raining, flooding, earthquake, and there is a core(a child, a painter, a singer, an explorer, a learner, a teacher) and you hold onto that core as a solid rock.
3) Self-trust
You may have taken wrong decisions in life and so you don’t trust yourself in taking the right decisions. You look for social proof, support, validation for your decisions. In such a case, you don’t trust yourself.
You must back up your decision, trust in yourself, irrespective of results.
4) Self-efficacy:-
You are capable of seeing goals and accomplishing them(not what parents or others give). You pursue your mission, patiently and passionately. No defeat in battles deters you. You are unmoved by people’s opinions about your pursuit. You keep going.
That’s self-love for you.
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SELF-LOVE DEFICIENT TRAITS
Knowing how much the other person loves himself/herself is super important for mutual love.
1) Me-Boosters:- If anyone talks too much about self, then the person is in self-doubt and is reaffirming position. Example:- I don’t judge, I am an empath, I am passionate. Self-belief never needs reaffirmation.
2) Opinionated Self:- Those who are not in self-love create a set of opinionated stories and try to experience the world through those stories. Ex:- I am a strong, independent woman. A small disagreement with that story makes them aggressive and violent as they lose themselves when the story is false.
3) Advise Mongers:- You should, must, do this that. That’s a pattern people without self-love uses. They are not interested in your stories, they are waiting to respond. They know everything that you have to do. Because they are uncertain of themselves, so need external validation and affirmation.
4) Hater:- Opposite to love is not hate, it is don’t care. Hate is a stronger emotion than love and is just another dimension to it. Anyone being hateful of others are low in self-love. Because they are hateful of themselves. They experience love through hate.
One who can’t love self, can’t love anyone including you. That’s a fact, the rest is BS.
CONCLUSION
Self-Love deficiency syndrome(SLDS) is one of the most uncommon root causes of most of the problems in life. Low self-love results in insecurity, which results in anxiety. Anxiety leads to anger and overreaction to every situation in life. This leads to severe mental stress and trauma, that starts getting reflected in the psycho-physiology from a very early stage. Diagnose your self-love scale and self-love deficiency syndrome today with Lyfas.
