Table of Contents
Who are the verbal bullies?
A verbal bully is a passive-aggressive person, who appears nice externally, but is extremely hateful internally. Often they are envious of you(or anyone). So, they pretend to be nice to you, but their hate comes out through their words whenever they feel threatened by your growth, success, status, presence, or popularity.
Verbal bullies are extremely insecure people. So, their hate is expressed in the form of a joke or in the disguise of your leg-pulling.
Why do you feel helpless when a verbal bully is around you?
Some people are just extraordinarily negative in comparison to all others near them. Negative energy is an extremely dominating energy. Because one with negative energy has a very low consciousness and awareness, they don’t care how you feel. Because your feelings, peace, and well-being are all threatened by the mere presence of these people, you feel threatened around them. Because your mind alerts you of danger.
How to easily identify a verbal bully?
Acknowledge and Accept
If anyone takes a dig at your private life, causing fear/shame/guilt/inferiority in you with words, then it is verbal bullying.
Identify the Patterns
a. Triangulation Pattern with example (comparing with anyone else)
a) Oh ho, today his wife permitted to come. 🤣.
b) Ah ha, got time out of boss madam’s Seva(service)?
b. Inferiority/Superiority Projection
c) got time out of makeup even in this busy schedule? (the bully is mocking you here that even in such a busy schedule, your focus is on makeup. Because you are looking good, and the bully is feeling threatened)
d) why sit idle and eat? Why don’t you get a job? (the bully is pretending to be superior and is advising you)
e) your hubby is so good, always at your feet. (the bully is mocking you by saying that your husband is your slave)
f) You will surely get a promotion; the boss likes you. (the bully is making you inferior by suggesting that you will get a promotion only due to the boss’s favor)
c. Direct bully (telling you who you are)
g) You will always remain a loser. (the bully is telling you who you are).
“Accept-Reproject” Verbal Bully Defeating Communication Tool
What is meant by a communication tool?
This is a simple communication tool. A communication tool is a pattern in which you must communicate to get the desired result in a particular social situation.
Why defeat a verbal bully? Why bother answering a bully?
Here the social situation is verbal bullying by a bully. Your desired outcome is to give it back to the bully without reacting calmly in his/her own style so that his/her negative energy and internal hate make the bully suffer all day long with bad feelings. Once you do that, the bully will never dare to bully you because the bully’s brain will tell you, “don’t do it; you will be destroyed.”
With a powerful communication tool, you will not only destroy a bully, but others around you who have not yet shown their true face, but hate you nonetheless, will become alert.
Because if you do not disarm a verbal bully, the bully will get courage, and slowly the passive aggression will increase by every day. You will end your day with bad feelings, and then you will become negative too.
“Accept and Re-Project to Reality” (ARP) Bully Defeating Tool
In this method,
i) you will first accept what the bully is saying, so the bully becomes instantly happy and satisfied.
ii)Then, immediately project an inverse statement onto the bully with a laugh. (now immidiately the bully will feel bad due to your projection)
So, because you are taking the bully too high and then throwing the bully off-guard to low feelings, the bully will get hurt internally. Remember that bullies are insecure people? Once you cause such bad feelings, they will immediately feel threatened by you.
Examples of “Accept and Re-Project Reality” Bully Defeating Tool
a) Bully: Oh ho, today his wife permitted to come. 🤣You: 🤣, true, not everyone can manipulate and control a wife like you. 🤣.
So, you are accepting first that you indeed got permission from your wife. You then are calling the bully a manipulator who manipulates his wife. Because you are laughing, it means you are joking. When you are joking, the bully will also have to laugh with you, and he can not become aggressive.
b) Bully: Ah ha, got time out of boss madam's Seva(service)?You: yeah, not lucky as you to be hated by the senior 🤣
So, here you are first, giving respect to your senior. In the workplace, she is just a professional senior, and whether the senior is male or female, she deserves respect for the position. So, by accepting, you are confirming that you are a good employee. And then you are making the bully feel threatened by telling that the senior hates him/her. It is quite obvious if a senior hates a junior, the prospect of promotion of the junior is low.
c) Bully: got time out of makeup even in such a busy schedule? You: yeah, I don’t look cool like you as slumdog.😞
See here; you accept that you had to find time out of the makeup. But at the same time, you are telling the bully that the bully also is a slumdog(which means very poor). The bully wanted to feel superior, but now that you have dragged him/her down to a slumdog, the bully feels pain.
d)Bully: why sit idle and eat? Why don't you get a job? (the bully is pretending to be superior and is advising you. Also, he is suggesting that you are good for nothing. )You: I was also thinking the same. Want to start a mannerism school with you as the first customer.😌
e) Bully:your hubby is so good, always at your feet. (the bully is mocking you by saying that your husband is your slave)You: yeah, he sees God in women; he didn’t meet surpanakhas(look at them)🤭
Every man deserves respect. They sacrifice all their peace and comfort for the family. They never think of their own pleasure. Your husband must be an encouraging husband. So you first set his respect by saying yes, he may fall in your feet, but at times he is not worshipping his wife, but rather seeing a goddess in a female, and he is just worshipping the womb of a female. Every man sees the womb as a spiritual entity.
After setting your man’s respect, you have to now downgrade the bully. So you say that the bully is like Surpanakha, Ravana’s sister in Hindu mythology Ramayana. Surpanakha was an ugly looking female responsible for the war in Ramayana and, eventually, her brother’s death.
So, you make the bully feel ugly, destructive, and harmful. What better revenge?
f) You will surely get a promotion; the boss likes you. (the bully is making you inferior by suggesting that you will get a promotion only due to the boss's favor)You: Yes, I think so; he hugged me for saving the last client screwed by you 🤣
g) You will always remain a loser. (the bully is telling you who you are).You: Yes, everyone says me to have at least some smaller goals in life like you🥺
Conclusion
You validate a bully, reciprocate his/her emotion and reproject. It destroys them.
A good and healthy world and relationship must have no bullying, whether at home, at the workplace, or amongst friends or relatives. But unfortunately, there are too many low lives out there, waiting like sharks to consume you into their reality.
They hate their reality of helplessness, pain, and out-of-order life. They need constant validation and so resort to bullying. Often this becomes a habit, and the bully isn’t even aware of their pathetic words and nature.
Parents, children, bosses, partners, and friends, come in all forms. Bullying is also a form of gaslighting to bend your reality, make you feel low, and alter what you believe. They cast doubts in your mind.
You say it to yourself; maybe they are right.
No, they are not. (bullies are just negative, and negativity is never right)
If you are married, you must be extra careful about anyone, including your parents and relatives breaking the privacy boundary between husband and wife. Remember, no boundary breacher can be your well-wisher.
You have to defend your reality and belief system as the most precious thing. They may be flawed, but you and only you will improve those flaws, not others. This post is not about teaching you how to hurt others with their ways. This is about giving you a thought of the exact ways this bullying takes place and how to defend it.
Start practicing and implementing the tool today and start seeing the growth in your life.
