Table of Contents
Channel Capacity
Channel Capacity is a term used in Cognitive Psychology to describe the space in our brain for certain types of information. For example, we have a different space in brains for our parents, for different friends, for skills, for calculations, and so on. Consider your brain as a hard disk and channel capacity as a sector in the disk.
How Memory is Encoded in the Brain
- All the sensory data, such as visual, auditory, touch, and smell is processed by different sensory decoding sections of the brain.
- Then this data is sent to the linguistic section, where the data is converted into meaningful information.
- The information is then sent to our cognitive section, where meaning is derived from the information.
- Based on the initial meaning, our brain decodes emotion. Based on emotion, the hormonal state changes in our body, which results in a physiological change, that we can feel. This is called feeling.
- Feeling, Meaning, Raw Data, and Information are bundled and saved in different temporary locations, and a memory index is generated.
- This memory index is the memory relevant to the current experience. This memory management is done by a section of the brain called the Hippocampus.
- Hippocampus then store this memory bit in a temporary memory, as well as tries to compare this bit with our long-term memory stored in Cerebellum.
- If there is fear/threat perception, then Hippocampus passes on the threat message to a section called Amygdala, which manages the instinctive, instantaneous, and immediate action called fight or flight. This is also called the Reaction.
- The reaction now needs to make the body physiologically ready first by making the hormonal changes. Therefore, it is sent to the Hypothalamus section. Hypothalamus works as a messenger between the Endocrine(hormonal) system, and the Nervous system, including Autonomic Nervous System, which connects all the organs.
- Hypothalamus messages the pituitary gland to manage the hormonal state, as well as generate relevant electrical signals for our nervous system.
- Our Somatic nervous system then manages the muscle movements, which results in the way we react or respond physically.
- At the same time, the memory bit is sent to our Pre-frontal cortex section, where several analysis of the information is performed. This section solves any problems like threats and offers various solutions(called Ideas).
- All these continuous sets of memory bits are then combined through indexes like a garland, and store a single index as an Event memory.
- The brain then calculates the relevance of the event based on the number of hormonal variations, and stores the event in the long-term memory of the Cerebellum.

Therefore, a memory has sensory data, meaning, reactions, feelings, ideas & thoughts, and are stored at different locations in the brain, whereas the storage is indexed based on relevance. Hence, more sensory data, strong feelings, strong emotions, strong cognitive information are stored and remembered by us better.
Shared Memory
When we love someone and spend a good time with them, we create memories. These memories that are part of both the person is called shared memory. The interesting thing about the shared memory is that both the person remember a few common things, but they also remember complimentary things or things that are completely independent of each other.
Also, when in love, we are closer to our partner, experiencing their smell, touch, small physiological changes, and togetherness elevates our happy hormones. Therefore these memories are stored permanently by the brain.
Memory and Hormones
Memory encodes the hormonal state at that specific moment and for that event. Every time you refresh the memory and share the memory with someone, the body experiences the same hormonal states. So only when we are together and communicating, do our brains can complete the information.
Because intimate moments have a lot of positive feelings, we experience the same feelings again and again, and it results in an overall positive feeling and energy. We feel alive. When you share the moments with the person you created the moment, then the feelings are stronger.
Separation
Once a person is no more part of our life with whom we have a strong shared memory, when the brain tries to check the integrity of information from time to time, it can’t find the shared memory.
So, for the brain it seems like part of it is missing and is no more. This is not acceptable to the brain. Brain pacifies the thought and the memory validation if the person is not alive. It motivates you for reminiscences to recall the memory and feel good.
However, if the person is still alive, the brain creates a sad hormonal state. It considers that you were happier with the ex and now those hormonal states are no more experienced. You felt positive and alive with the ex, and those moments are missing from life. Once you get into this sad state, the state keeps getting amplified over a period of time, and you start thinking a lot more about the ex. You might have many bad experiences, that separated you, but the brain triggers only sadness because it wants the shared memory to be validated over and over again. The intimate channel capacity is full of memories, which are no more being experienced by you and the brain.
Getting Over and Coping
As a coping mechanism, we are often advised by people around us to “forget and move on”. Well, this is just not possible, because you can’t simply wipe off the memories associated with strong feelings by your wish. The channel capacity associated with your past love remains.
The best coping mechanism is to find a new love and create new memories. However, now the brain starts comparing. For your brain, the signature of a past love is the gold standard of happiness. Therefore, even in the new relationship, you remain doubtful and skeptical for a long period of time. If you are doing the same sets of things like roaming, eating with a new partner, then the brain doesn’t care, because it wants the shared memory.
Your partner has to create a multitude of times new experiences and strong feelings for you to be able to conceive the new person and the associated memory as the gold standard. Because your current experience has given your body a much higher emotional experience, you consider the past as a good memory.
It is always hard for any new person to replace your gold-standard experience. Therefore, whenever you have a problem with the present, your brain tricks you to look for the past, hoping that shared memory with the past would give you a better experience.
What if We Fail to Overcome Past Love?
We already discussed that it is a daunting task for any new person in your life to replace the past happy feelings, and every time it is 10x harder. Over a period of time, you keep looking for this new person who can give you that emotional high over the lifetime. However, they do not come, as with each passing day, the amount of shared memory in the channel capacity is full, and there is hardly space for new memory and experience. Also with age, everyone’s emotional state changes. So, getting to the experience of the past becomes a never-ending haunt.
Finally, the brain gives up, and lowers your energy, as it doesn’t expect the happiness back. This causes loneliness and a severe amount of depression, which then is coped up by the body through several pathological conditions.
Everyone will somehow deal with the loss, but rarely can one heal from the loss. You need to also deal with the fact, that you can’t heal from the loss.
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Conclusion
So your brain and body do everything to encourage you to start looking for the person if he/she is alive. If the person happens to be your past best, your brain will not allow you to easily forget, part of it, which is lost!
What’s more? You will mostly remember only good things after the breakup 🙂
How Can We Help?
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If you are going through breakup trauma and getting into depression, and/or feeling energy-less and want to move on with life, do book your Lyfas test and service today.
This is an immensely well written article. Throughout life, I have wondered why and how my psyche is reacting to that event and I get stuck in a limbo. Atleast now, I can start working on it.