PSYCHOLOGY:-
Oedipus Complex proposed by Freud some 130 years ago, as part of his Psychoanalysis framework is the most stable model of the experience of love by a human.
This model is pretty straightforward. A newborn child is attached to the opposite-sex parent as a love relationship and sees the same-sex parent as a competitor and wants the parent to be banished.
Same hormones are secreted in a child when the child is interacting with the opposite-sex parent, that an adult has while interacting with the intimate partner.
So, at an early age, a boy experiences love through the emotional relationship with his mother, and a girl experiences love through the emotional relationship with her father.
NEUROSCIENCE:-
Love makes a child feel secure. So when the sensory signals arrive at Thalamus, the touch, the breath, the voice, the visual clues, it first sends an event data to the Hippocampus region.
The Hippocampus then searches for the signature in Cerebellum and provides the event and matching signature to Amygdala. This part attaches emotional data with the event and sends it to our pre-frontal cortex.
Amygdala informs Hypothalamus that the situation is quite good and secure. Hypothalamus through the pituitary gland adjusts Thyroids T3 and T4 to adjust the heart rate, so that body temperature is warm. (That’s why love makes you feel warm).
The prefrontal cortex decodes the meaning of events and emotions as “love”, and neurochemical is released.
BELIEF:-
Because love as a feeling was developed in the early infancy, it means “I am not perfect, but my lover is. I don’t need to tell my lover what I need, the lover knows and will give me. I am a child, my bad behaviors will be overlooked by my lover. I will then make my lover happy by smile and childishness”. A child is not judged, so the feeling of love is unconditional.
That’s why, in a good intimate relationship, you feel like a child, you feel yourself.
REALISATION:-
Because pattern stored in Cerebellum about love comes from early childhood, the way one experiences love never changes even in the adulthood.
For instance if the mother was in a job and had long been absent physically from her son, the son will know that love is the experience of separation. No matter what the guy tries, the lover will go away, if not he will push her away subconsciously.
If the Boy saw the father abusing the mother in some ways, he will consider abuse and pain as love and so will become an abuser in a relationship without realizing it. Seeing the painful eyes of the lover will give him the experience of love.
TRUE LOVE:-
There is no true unconditional love.
Parents take immense stress, away from the child while upbringing. The child is not aware of this pain as part of love. However, no one can give unconditional one-way attention to another adult for very long. So, you feel detached from the lover as the practicality sets in.
True love is an escape from reality, a desire to become a child again, that’s all.
EXTENDED DISCUSSION
There are a lot of YouTube scholars on the subject of love, so called “relationship experts”, and “psychologists”. A little investigation into their background would tell you how little they have contributed towards peer-reviewed science and how little their knowledge on such subjects are.
Most of these experts narrates their life experiences, which are skewed as most do not have any experince of dealing with thousands of people either personally or professionally.
You often end-up searching for materials that explains your current situation and these “experts” know how to give validation to that “vulnerable” child.
The actual science, the reality, the psychology, Neuroscience, philosophy, Endocrinology, Ethology, Behavioral Science, Embryology, and Child Psychology will not give you any validation, but will show you the reality.
Remember, if you are attracting wrong person, or suffering in love, then it is not your partner, but your core. Find the answers within. Love is a beautiful emotion, but it is not a primitive evolutionary emotion like anger and fear. This is programmed in your brain.
Don’t look for a good computer. No matter which computer you run a defective program, the result will always be same.
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