If your father has crossed 50 years, and you have any of the following, then this post is for you.
Table of Contents
A. The Negative Feelings about fathers that one often gets
1. My father was angry and abusive. I hate him.
2. My father did not give me time.
3. My father always has some negative things to talk about me.
4. He doesn’t talk much. No matter what we say, he prefers to be silent.
5. He is never happy with me, do not know how to make him happy, don’t care to make him happy.
6. I don’t even know how Mother lived with this man all these years.
B. The Actual Feelings that most can not express to their fathers
-I wish my father was as close to me as other fathers, guided and loved me.
-I was so busy in the rat race that I never had time to look back into my father’s eyes and talk to him.
-I wish some days we could sit down and talk.
-My father’s health is going down. I have failed him.
-I couldn’t meet his expectations.
C. Wisdom about fathers
“Mothers are made out of feelings,
fathers are made out of experiences.”
A mother wants her children to be happy. However, a father is often the provider and protector of the family. He lives a life of only and only three concerns.
i) Who will take care of my family after me?
ii) How to make my child’s future safe?
iii) How to put good values and fighting spirit in my children.
D. Why Fathers Become Silent or Appear Aggressive?
Aggression is an expression of suppressed frustration and irritation.
By the age of 50, every man goes through suffering, cheating, betrayal of his own people, cut-throat competition, and silently suppressing all illnesses to go out to earn daily.
That man needs healing every day.
E. What Heals Fathers?
i) Smile
ii) Peace
iii) Family
iv) Teaching
A man comes back home after 16 hours; someone opens the door with a smile and gives him a glass of water and tea/coffee. He sees children playing with happy faces, and he is healed.
Then he wants to teach the family about his learning. He wants to talk about his experiences, stories.
F. Strained Parental Relationships
“Women have waited entire days throughout evolution for their men to bring stories, not food.”
And women have cooked because the longer the man eats, he will share stories.
Today man brings office politics at home, and women deal with enough politics all day to have any interest in them. Maids cook.
-No healing, no story sharing, no smile, and fathers feel “I am not needed,” and “I am needed only for money.” Children remain busy with phones and silly homework when their father comes back.
G. Improve Your Relationship With Father
“Dad tell me a story” That’s it. “Ek Kahani sunao.”
or
“Dad teach me something” Kuch sikhao.
Just do this over the phone, or after being back home. Don’t ask about him from your mother.
Enjoy magic.
H. Why do Mothers Appear Concerned all the time? How to derive an inference about how to take the relationship with the father?
1) Mothers appear clingy and concerned all the time about you not because she is worried or concerned about you. She is concerned about her husband. Mothers know when fathers become silent, they die sooner.
2) When you genuinely become interested in your father’s experience and stories(and that is the only thing that can save you from misery because Google will not teach you, as fathers don’t write for AI to crunch data).
3) Just as mothers try to express concern for their husbands by showing concern for their children, fathers try to buy love by giving(good education, cars, dress, you know what I mean?).
4) Life is not about “kaun kya sochega,” planning, worrying. Expression of truth is your choice, how someone takes it, is theirs.
5) Stop silly questioning how are you? How is health? Did Maid come? How is the father? Life is about stories not about question answers.
6) Remember, when the father doesn’t see anyone interested in learning from him, he becomes silent “Ok, suffer and learn.” When men become silent, know without any exception that he is awaiting his demise.
I. Should we care if no such issue is present in our household?
I came to realize and discover through Acculi, the patients, and the stakeholders is that currently, we are in an era where corporates have blown people’s small and non-existing problems out of proportion for profiteering.
We are forgetting that our life is so small that it has no significance of what we do. The Americanized fantasy of Think Big, Dream Big, and the entire world is yours is a poor fantasy like the Roman empire, because of one simple law “The universe is made out of energy, and energy is neither destructed, nor constructed, but simply change forms.”
So when we become too focused on what we get out of life, we end up disturbing the quantum equilibrium of the universe. In such a scenario, our genes don’t exist in the future. What is the point of the current life anyways if my family doesn’t live for another 1000 years?
Hence, it is time that we realize not to outsource our pain and miseries to corporations and take action. There is no point in spending a fortune on healthcare where solutions are so simple.
J. Why Healing has become a quintessential need in families today?
Many of us suffer in silence because we do not know what to do in a situation. Even when we know what to do, the societal system makes us worry about too many things to have clarity about whether should we at all do what we are thinking we must do.
The truth is simple. Pain is always personal, but the effect is societal. A teacher going to school with family distress will unknowingly spread the distress to children, who would come back home and spread distress to parents, who would go back to their job and spread it to their colleagues, who would over the phone spread it to their parents, parents to other siblings and so on.
Hence, healing at every level is now a quintessential need. Everyone has to do their bit to spread healing in society. We are no more in an era where your pain is yours, and mine is mine. The sheer ripple effect of personal and family distress has now gone beyond individual control.
We now need cumulative handholding and understanding. Even if 100 of those who read this post had a good conversation with their fathers today, I am healed.
K. Why can’t fathers be more considerate and loving like mothers?
fathers are to be:
i) Protect & Provide
ii) Teach Boundaries
iii) Teach Life.
Fathers are to acquire experience and wisdom and pass on that wisdom to the next generation so that to not die but live through the next generation. Fathers are to focus on passing on their genes and wisdom more than materials. This is because then they continue to live in us, through us, in our minds, heart, and soul.
We make fewer mistakes, and we remain responsible in life because we do not want to fail our fathers. Even when they live the world, their legacy continues and makes us carry that legacy.
L. Time and Emotion vs Money and Resources, what should a father give to his children?
i) Every living being must arrange its livelihood, humans included.
ii) Ecology is integrated. Anyone who doesn’t arrange food and is dependent on others(parents included), will be wiped out of the ecology due to the simple rule that “life is defined as 99.9% equilibrium of a cell in its struggle to survive, thrive, and reproduce.
iii) Any biological being that doesn’t have to struggle for any of the three by definition is dead and will be dead physically too.
iv) The key objective of human life is therefore to make the genes better through evolution so that they can fight better in their quest.
v) Money, House, and Gold are not encoded in genes.
vi) Emotions, Knowledge, and Stories do.
Therefore the best parenting would be by biological definition one where the parents give time, emotion, and knowledge, to their children. That is what is going to make the children’s life simpler. They must always start at zero and struggle for their livelihood.
So yes,
time>money
Emotion>Feelings
Knowledge>Education
when it comes to parental duties.
M. Why Respect for fathers is reducing in Generation Z?
every generation in history has considered its past generation to be dumber, and the next generation to be less capable. There is nothing new in this. This has been known as the generation gap.
But what we are facing today is not a generation gap. GenZ, the children born after 1995 or 2000, have had to faceless struggle for survival, and so their genes are not expressed to fight life’s battles.
This generation is more anxious, more impulsive, more lonely, more occupied with gadgets, have fewer people in life, have fewer problems to solve, and so sees the world as a fantasy. This is absolutely not their fault. We have mostly been under the false impression that we had to struggle a lot in life, and so our children must not have to go through the same.
We forget that our brains developed to solve the food problem as we are a weak species. In Urban humans, the brain controls the body and life. And when there is no challenge for food, the brain devolves. Because our brain is now the major organ, devolution of this drastically reduces the overall life expectancy.
We are in a point of time, where we are at risk of giving shoulders to our children’s still bodies. Risk and stakes are way too higher today.
N. Why do fathers need more healing than our mothers?
parenting children in today’s world is hard. A man has to take the burden of expectations of parents, family, children, financial challenges, challenges of the stress of the economy, inflammation, office politics, competition, demands such as a house, Car, foreign tours, and so on.
Today it is 12-16 hours of work for fathers, and yet they hardly get social support and recognition.
They come back home to not seeing children playing with them, family quarrels, and conflicts, and this eventually pushes fathers out of their energy, and steam, and eliminates the identity to a degree to limit the fathers as mere robots who are to provide everything, that everyone around them is demanding every minute, and yet there is no satisfaction and acknowledgment of people to this effort.
Obviously, fathers need more healing today than any other pillar of society.
O. Conclusion
Life is simple, a father is simpler. Remember not everyone is equipped with linguistic skills to express them in the right way. Just because one doesn’t express doesn’t mean one has no emotions.
P. Reader’s Comments
Fallacy of American dream pushed to the world. Unfortunately India submitted itself to outsourcing service 30 years back connecting with the Maya of west. Forgetting our core strength, capabilities, vision and positivity, we blindly followed the hollow promises of corporations.
Balamurugan J
1. Simple is strong
2.Respect the family values
3. Be humble
4.Discipline builds confidence
5.we are what we are. Copy doesn’t work
6.be original
7. Develop individuality not rudeness
Good times!
So remember to:
Dad, please teach me something today, tell me a story today!
