“I seem to be too drawn to my ex-boyfriend. I think it’s unhealthy because I can’t move. He said I should wait, but I’m afraid I’ll lose him. I can’t get mad at him. He told me he cheated, but I love him more than ever. He doesn’t really talk to me and seems to be fine, but I’m hurting every day because I can’t be with him.
I’m always thinking about him, I cry over him at night. The pain has gotten so bad I thought of taking painkillers for them but I realized they aren’t for emotional pain. I want to give it a try anyway. I’m so helpless I want him back like before. Although he talks to me it’s not enough I feel he’s distant.”
A Lyfasian girl
Table of Contents
Why does a girl miss her ex more than ever once he goes away?
- A girl has shared memory with her love life, her man, and her boyfriend. She spends a lot of time with him and collects good, bad, ugly, and all types of shared memory.
- Shared memory is like a puzzle of two pieces; one stays with one person and the other with another. When they come together, memory gets connected like two pieces of a puzzle getting attached.
- A girl’s emotions are attached to her memory. Without a complete memory, she feels emotionally incomplete.
- Her emotions govern a girl’s feelings. Because when the loved one is away, memory is incomplete, and so emotions are incomplete, and her feelings become incomplete too. Hence she feels dead.
- Guys are reward-centric, whereas girls are punishment-sensitive. It means that guys take decisions based on the outcome benefit, whereas a girl decides to reduce any risks.
- Losing anything emotionally punishes the girls; therefore, they try to avoid those decisions.
Because of the above reasons, a girl always wants to get back her ex-boyfriend and her man.
Why is the pain of a breakup good?
Even though it may sound very weird, feeling pain is way better than feeling dead.
- When we cry, our rest-recovery nervous system gets active. We feel sleepy, and our body gets a lot of rest.
- Under pain, the body produces many growth hormones, making a girl feel alive, as females have low growth hormones.
- Pain also increases Estrogen in the girls; therefore, she suffers fewer mood swings but more intense emotions when in pain.
- (3) is why many females stay in abusive relationships, as abuse induces pain, intensifying her emotions.
- A girl also has more gray matter in her right brain, which is rich in Estrogen receptors. The right brain is our imaginary brain; therefore, whenever girls are in pain, their imagination and creativity increase.
- This is the reason why a lot of successful females have a very painful past. Examples are Angelina Julie and many other Holywood actresses.
- When things are good in life, and there is no pain in a girl’s life, her hormone levels get flat, and she stops feeling herself. Her brain tries to trick her and create situations so that she gets some pain and she feels again.
- What is a bigger pain for a girl than losing her love? That pain makes a girl feel alive, takes her to her imaginary and emotional world, and she feels alive.
Why a guy or a man who was once so much in love with a girl walks away from her?
There are multiple reasons for a breakup and a man walking his way. However, the following are some of the common reasons:-
- The girl becomes suspicious and stingy. It means that the girl always remains anxious about being dumped and tries to stick to her man all the time. A man’s world revolves around trust; therefore, men get uncomfortable with mistrust.
- The girl has a lot of mood-swing. Men have extremely low Estrogen levels. Men hate unpredictability. At the beginning of a relationship, a girl is high on dopamine and therefore remains energetic and suffers less mood-swing. Later she may have several mood fluctuations, eventually pushing off the man.
- Men are always often career-driven. They want to grow in life. Men have higher ambitions. Competing in the world alone is higher. A man always values those females who can walk with him, help him in his journey, and bring value. Often, a girl focuses so much on her man that she stops focusing on bringing value. Sex, date, and pleasure are all temporary. Life is hard and is a fight. Men always look for females with complementary skills to walk with them.
- Even though some guys are addicted to sex, one-night stands, and pleasure, most men seek trust and emotions. Most girls are feelings driven and do not create strong emotions by creating strong stories in life. Men often quickly get attracted by good-looking, charming, jolly, and energetic girls but are often not attached to them in the long run because you can’t maintain the same energy levels all your life.
- So, men seek attractive girls for pleasure and sex, whereas they seek valuable girls with stable emotions, value, creativity, and stories for attachment.
- So a girl has to be both attractive and valuable if she has to keep a relationship with a man for her life. It is the same way that a girl expects a man to be both loving, caring, and successful.
- Even though a successful but abusive man attracts females initially(because of females’ affinity towards pain), females dump abusive men rather quickly. On the other hand, if a man is too caring, but doesn’t earn anything, then she doesn’t feel comfortable around the man, as a girl’s social value often comes from the social status of the man, and if the man is not productive and successful, then she doesn’t get a social value, which is extremely important for a girl.
Therefore, if a man is growing in life, is creating value in the world, and is caring, then many females desire him, and he always has choices. It is quite obvious then that one with more choices will take the shots, and one with lesser choices will have to up the value. Furthermore, being successful takes a man about 15-20 years of career struggle, by which he is past the age of 35. When a man is successful, he has also handled more stress than non-successful men, and so is more caring towards people in their inner circle. Such men have more options, choices, and years.
On the other hand, a girl starts losing her attractiveness as she approaches 30 due to a fall in her hormone levels. So a girl hardly has 12 years to find the right man and create a life-long relationship. Because the man’s options increase as he ages, he walks out more easily, just as when the girl is young, she has more choices, so she breaks up easily.
How can a girl get the same levels of feelings without getting hurt or without getting abused?
We already see that a girl’s affinity for pain is higher because the hormones produced during pain(physical or mental) are essential for a girl. However, these hormones also increase her imagination and creativity. The way pain increases creativity hormones; creativity also increases the similar hormones that a girl would experience during the pain because imagination-based creativity is also physically very tiring.
- A girl must start looking to create something that takes long hours, like writing, painting, and art.
- Anything that takes hours to create also gives physical stress and pain to a girl, which eventually heals her.
- Reading novels provides the imagination a boost. Reading erotica and fantasy novels helps a girl to engage her emotional brain.
- The pain of losing the boyfriend while channeled to creativity, a girl gets much more fulfillment than when she doesn’t create anything(even while in the relationship). For example, lady Gaga started singing much better and working harder after her boyfriend dumped her.
Why do so many people become sympathetic to a girl when her relationship is stressed?
- Most people in this society are low achievers. They are always insecure about themselves. Seeing anyone else in pain makes them feel good about themselves. By offering sympathy to others, they feel important before their own eyes.
- Most guys have low confidence and values. They know that a happy, healthy, charming girl who has her life sorted would also be looking for high-value men, and such guys will have no chance. So seeing a girl broken gives them a feeling that they have a chance.
- We carry so much inner pain that by helping others, we feel satisfied as most people in society work for money and not on their passion, so they can not derive satisfaction from their passion.
- Jealousy is extremely high among females. Whenever they see another female in a relationship, they compare her man with the other’s man. Most girls today do not create any value for themselves or for society. So they feel happy to see other girls broke (this is another reason why you must never seek relationship advice from another female).
How can a girl get her ex back?
Now that we have learned all the theories let us formulate a simple formula.
For a girl to attract successful men, she has to be attractive and charming, and for a girl to build a life-long relationship with a man, she has to be valuable.
How can a girl be valuable?
Following are the values that make anyone valuable.
- Knowledge Capital: You can start reading and gathering real stories and insights which make you valuable.
- Social Capital: Girls are more socially active and smart than guys. Creating good social contacts and managing interpersonal and professional relationships with powerful people in society make one immensely valuable.
- Skills capital: This world is full of those who have no skills other than lying and talking. Real skills like coding, designing, entrepreneurship, selling, writing, singing, creating arts and crafts, and sharpening those skills to be better than the rest make one immensely valuable.
- Trust Capital: Trust is a virtue. Virtue means wisdom and power combined. Trust means being predictable in all situations. Less than 5% of our population is trustworthy. We often are betrayed all the time by our people. Anyone who can be reliable and who doesn’t change as the situation changes are extremely important to human societies and all of us.
- Social worth:- What we get in life is almost always equivalent to what we give to society. We use electricity, petrol, roads, food, and water daily. This is possible only because we live in society and because some relentlessly give their labor to produce all these facilities for us to use without any break. Imagine you getting electricity only when the mood of the employees in the electricity company is good. Therefore one of the important questions to answer is, “what is it you do every day, irrespective of your mood and life’s situation, that society needs?” Because if you do not produce something daily for society, eventually, society stops caring about you. Most people always think ‘what I am getting,” without ever answering what I am giving to society daily. Become productive to society, and you will be valued.
So, what is your current value based on the above five metrics? If your value is over 3.5/5, no one will ever leave you because they will need you for the value you create daily.
So, it depends purely on whether you will have a life-long relationship. Only appearance and charm are not enough. It is like a book. If the cover is not attractive, then no one buys the book. If the cover is attractive, but the book’s content doesn’t create any additional value, then no one reads the book. If no one reads the book, no one cares to keep the book safe.
Conclusion
Don’t worry about pain and tears. They are good.
The most extraordinary feeling in the world is the feeling of becoming a mother, which is also one of the most painful experiences in life. Take this opportunity to become valuable in life so much that the entire society values you. When everyone values you and does not want to lose you, your man would also not want to lose you. Always feel free to work with Lyfas to grow in life.
Life is beautiful. Your love and memories will remain yours wherever he remains. Every time you think about him, you will feel alive. No force in this world can take those feelings away from you. So your love is immortal. Most in this society try to play games to achieve their loved ones. Games do not go long in life. Focus on yourself and the society that is giving you everything. Get up daily and serve the people and society.
Remember your relationship has three entities You+him+you both. For the relationship to exist, you need to exist. You need to exist with good emotions, skills, knowledge, thoughts, and purpose.
Can you even feel him if he comes back if you stop feeling yourself? Ask that question to yourself. Don’t be afraid of pain, don’t run away from pain. Pain is beautiful, and love is all about pain.
Watch Breakup Copeup Video on Youtube
Additional Resources
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