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👨🏫D. Causes Existed Long Before the Problem
Examples:-(Refer to the first six use cases at the top of the article)
1. You were possessive and clingy long before the breakup.
2. You were more focussed on EMI and salary, and not productivity, and upskilling long before layoff.
3. You were in a depression, long before CAD.
4. You had occasional intercourse but no intimacy, long before you realized childishness is a problem.
5. You were never prepared for the marriage in the first place(Daddy love you know?)
6. You never did a profitable business in life ever.
Accept & Acknowledge that the situations are due to you
It may be something else, but if you honestly analyze your life, you will surely find the exact patterns in your life(lifestyle, beliefs, thoughts, behaviors, insecurities) that led to the problem you are currently in, the current situation did not suddenly appeared, and they certainly did not happen due to others.
What you are doing with the acceptance is you are removing the most important two things that are used to brush off the accountability. Firstly you eliminate others from blaming you, because now you are accepting the problem and no one else has to blame you. Also, you are not blaming others as you already accepted the patterns that are behind the problems you are facing today.
By taking the accountability of a situation, by accepting and acknowledging that it is in fact your patterns in life that has led to the current situation, you detatch yourself from subconscious negative feelings, thoughts, schemes and plans to blame others.
And even after taking the accountibility, you see, you did not die.
The moment you accept your accountability, for sometimes you will feel a little bad, but not as bad as if you had stayed in your imagination. And you certainly did not die. Because problems are yours, problems are due to you, they are to be solved by you, and there is no role of anyone else in the problem.
Case Study: How Kishore Kumar Solved the Problem of “Incapable of Singing a Classical Song”
Indian legendary playback singer Kishore Kumar was well trained in classical music, but he was considered to be suited for Romantic melodies. The audience and industry created an image that Kishore Kumar can not sing Classical songs, and no such songs were given to them.
In the 1976 Film Mehbooba, R. D. Burman, the music director decided to make Kishore Kumar sing a Song named Mere Naina Sawan Bhadon. It was composed in Sivrajini Raga, one of the most complex classical Raga. Everyone told R. D. Burman that Kishore Kumar is unfit to sing this classical song. The female version of the song was supposed to be sung by the Indian playback nightingale, the late Lata Mangeshkar.
When Panchamda(as RD Burman was fondly called) told Kishore Kumar about his concern and the concerns of others about Kishore Kumar’s inability to sing a classical song, Kishore Kumar offered a solution. He did not try to convince Panchamda that he could sing the song. He detached people’s perception of him being a romantic melody singer and then asked Panchamda to make Lata sing the song first. Kishore Kumar was known as a good imitator. He told Panchamda that once Lata sings the song, he would listen to that and would imitate it. This appeared much more acceptable as Kishore Kumar was not a classical singer but a good imitator.
Lata Mangeshkar first sang the song. Kishore Kumar listened to it for a week and then came to the recording studio and recorded the final song of Mere Naina Sawan Bhado in one take, and needless to say his version overshadowed Lata’s version, even though Lata was perceived as more capable of singing a classical song.
Panchamda had worked with Kishore Kumar for 10 years and knew very well that Kishore Kumar is capable of singing a classical song. However, even he too was put into self-doubt by the people. Even Panchamda went into negative feelings and indecisiveness about the song. However, Kishore Kumar detached the problem, which was merely a perception of people from the problem, and gave us one of the timeless melodies.
In the same way, whenever you are overwhelmed by people, you are required to separate the problem from your life, and also from people’s perception. You focus on the outcome rather than the problem. You work towards the outcome rather than thinking about the problem and don’t try to find an easy escape. Neither Pancham da’s nor Kishore Kumar’s career would have got affected if Mere Naina was sung by others like Mohd. Rafi. But both did not find an easy escape, but rather detached the perception and then delivered the masterpiece.
Your not raising a fund, not being able to do a big deal, or having relationship problems is more of people’s perception of you which has led you to lose belief and faith in yourself. The problem that is amplified by people’s negative perception now appears a reality and life-death problem and you try to escape from it, not necessarily because that will solve the problem, but you want to prove people wrong. You are to focus on the solution and the outcome and neither on people’s perception nor on the problem.
